Hate not knowing what to do or eat or where to go?
What do you want to do? I don’t know, what do you want to do? Sound familiar? I know that I personally have said it and heard it more times than I can count. What’s more is that people come to my office and have the same issue – and it can cause some serious problems to arise. People can get resentful because they always do what the other one wants to do. It may be a problem because they never have anything to contribute when asked. It also may be that they don’t feel comfortable giving their opinion. Often they have given their input in the past and gotten shot down – so they have given up. I want to go to Samurai Sushi. Oh I hate raw fish. But they have more than raw fish.
So how can you avoid this problem? I have heard people who had three options when they asked and the person got to choose from one of the three that were already acceptable to the person who asked. Good idea but wouldn’t it be better to have lost of choices or have a way to make a choice – just for fun?
I suggest that you sit down with your family, friends, coworkers, whoever you have this issue with. Then ask the question where are places that you like to eat? This is a brainstorming session so there are no bad answers. You write down whatever is said. Okay so what if you only get three places to choose from? Go to Google maps and type in restaurants near your home town – for me that would look like – “restaurants near Modesto, Ca”. Or you could be more specific – Chinese restaurants near Modesto, CA. You then get a list, locations, and even directions if you need them.
That is great now we have a list then what? Next you sort them into categories – could be fast food, sit down meals and special occasions. Could be sorted by style of food. You also need to review the list with the group – sometimes places get vetoed all together for a variety of reasons – I once found a mouse (dead) on the floor at my feet under my table at my favorite restaurant – that might be a big turn-off for you.
Great we can minimize problems of what and where to eat now – that means less stress.
Now, I suggest you do the same thing with things that you would like to do. Let’s take a family for example. The family consists of two adults and three children ages 5, 7 and 9 years old. Again we do a brainstorming session – emphasizing that there are no wrong or bad answers (and enforcing the no criticism rule!). You might get a list such as the following:
Visit Beijing
Go to Disneyworld
Explore the drainage ditch or field next door
Go fishing at the lake
Got to the park
Feed the Geese
Go roller skating
Go bike riding
Sail to Tahiti
Go to a movie
Play tag
You get the idea – anything goes. Some of these could be done any day. Some are free. Some would take planning and money. Sort them into groups. On a Friday night you can go to the free list and choose one at random. You could pick out several and vote. You can do it anyway you like but you will be building the cohesiveness of your family if you let everyone participate in the choice. Yes, you may have to make a decision and sometimes there will be someone unhappy – but you have made terrific progress.
You can do this for vacations, weekends, afterschool activities, dates, nights on the town, there is really no end to how you can apply this. The bottom line is that you get out of your rut, get to do new and fun things, and reduce your stress while building your relationships
That’s it, plain and simple – not always easy though. Let me know what you think, what questions that you have and perhaps in addition to answering you I will extend this article to make it better.
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